Self-help books I would actually recommend
Alternative reads to the usual toxic positivity and harmful messaging of self-help books.
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I know that I’ve created an entire platform on calling out the dangerous messaging and predatory behavior of the self-help industry as a whole. And I do believe that due to capitalism and greed, the self-help industry was created and has flourished off of the fact that people don’t have the necessary resources that they need in life.
And it’s because of this same reason that I also recognize the need for self-help in the first place. In the world today, basic resources such as a right to shelter and safety are not guaranteed. And depending on your race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, and class, the system is currently set up against providing you with these rights.
And in the world today, easily accessible and affordable healthcare is not available to anyone unless you have the amount of wealth where money isn’t a worry.
It’s because of these things that people turn to self-help for some help, some answers. Unfortunately for all of us, most self-help books end up blaming these individuals for not having access to these things rather than helping them navigate and change the systems that are actually responsible.
But, fortunately for all of us, there are some shining lights within the self-help book industry that have the potential to actually help people. They just happen to be hidden within other genres that can make them hard to find for people seeking quality self-help. Some of these books, even though they can also fall under different genres, have been used as a resource and therefore, I would qualify them as self-help.
I’m organizing these books into a few separate categories because I think that all of them serve a purpose:
Psychology books- While most psychologists, psychiatrists, or therapists wouldn’t classify their books as “self-help”, they are a good resource to help people understand themselves and to be able to find actionable steps to help them live with any mental barriers they may be facing.
Memoirs- I personally find memoirs to be the most powerful tool in the world of self-help books. Again, I don’t think that most people set out to write a memoir only for it to be categorized as self-help. But connections at a very human level and being able to see that your story may not be so different as someone else’s can be incredibly helpful.
Sociology books- While it’s important to take care of yourself on a day-to-day basis, it is also important to understand why many of us are facing the struggles we currently deal with. More often than not (of course there are exceptions), many of these issues stem from a gap or intention within the current system we live in. Sociology books help us dive deep into these systems, their intentions, and what we can do individually and collectively to start changing these systems.
Note: Before I dive into the books, I want to make a disclaimer that I haven’t read all of these books yet (though the majority I have). The books I haven’t read come as recommendations from trained professionals within psychology and trusted readers. I’m not promising that any of these books will drastically change your life for the better. I am promising that they have potential to provide you with some tools and ideas that you may not have encountered before.
Psychology books I’d recommend
Most books in the self-help industry are written by motivational speakers who are not properly trained to talk about anything regarding mental health. Usually, these authors who write pseudo-psychology books label themselves as either coaches or counselors. Both of these “qualifications” can be obtained through uncredited sites and programs or the authors just give themselves their own title.. Before you pick up any book dealing with mental health, check out the author’s biography.
All of these books are written by licensed professionals who also specialize in the topic they’re writing about.
Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price-Explores the “laziness lie” and where it came from, tracing it all the way back to the Puritans and to its presence today as it’s used to blur the lines between life and work. Price explains why, even though we’re doing more work today, that we never feel like we’re doing enough.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson-This book will show you that you are not to blame for your parent's behavior. It also offers real skills for handling difficult family situations and moving on from the emotional wounds of your childhood.
Toxic Positivity by Whitney Goodman- A look at how dangerous toxic positivity is in our lives and a way forward on how to navigate difficult situations with honesty.
How to Keep House While Drowning by K.C. Davis- A neuro-divergent take on how to do small care tasks with very actionable steps with multiple options to fit people’s needs.
Memoirs I’d recommend
Memoirs are my favorite genre of books in general and I think they’re particularly helpful when it comes to self-help. Whenever you’re going through a hard time (no matter what it is) there is always comfort in knowing that you’re not alone or knowing that there might be someone out there in the world that actually understands. These memoirs not only provide the intimate and honest stories of someone else, but take it a step further to share learnings and resources with the readers.
What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo- A raw and honest look at C-PTSD and how the author first got diagnosed and her journey learning about C-PTSD. As a resource, it walks you through everything she learned, the therapies she tried, and the changes she implemented in her life in order to learn how to live with her trauma.
Wintering by Katherine May- May tells the story of some of the most painful and difficult moments in her life and how she learned to move through them. And instead of providing advice riddled with toxic positivity, she teaches how to accept, rest, and repair ourselves in our darkest moments (Also, Katherine May has a Substack I would recommend).
Sociology books I’d recommend
I’ve repeated time and time again that I think that the greatest form of self-help is actually collective help and coming together as a collective in order to demand and create change in the world we live in today. These books provide not only great knowledge about how our current world is set up in ways to keep us down, but also provides ideas on how we can make the world better.
Mutual Aid by Dean Spade- A great introduction to the importance and necessity of mutual aid and how it differs from charity and non-profits. It provides actionable steps on how you can help create mutual aid within your community.
Belly of the Beast by Da’Shaun Harrison- Instead of reading another self-help book riddled with fatphobia, read this book that dives deep into the history that connects anti-fatness with anti-Blackness. Along with exposing the deadly effects of this connection, Harrison also provides strategies for dismantling this narrative.
Hood Feminism by Mikki Kendall-The must-read text on intersectional feminism and the history (and present) of white feminism harming the feminism movement.
The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor- This book is a radical approach to self-love and approaches the topic through the lens of dismantling the violent systems that make up today’s world. After all, a love of self and teaching that love to others is the greatest form of resistance.
Do you have any more books to add to this list? Let me know in the comments.